It wasn’t until I became a mother that God revealed my purpose in life. He stirred a passion within me to share what I have learned through my challenges in motherhood to help other moms navigate those same challenges. That is when I started this blog.
“You have a purpose and I have a plan. I’ll make you this promise. I’ll come back again but until then go tell the world about me.”
The Commission, Song by Cain
Each of us needs an outlet to express our unique talents and share them with the world.
Whatever your passion may be – writing, painting, cooking.…. If we don’t give it an outlet, it will lie dormant inside us, its flame slowly dying out.
Easier said than done, right? You might be thinking, “There is no time in the day.” “I don’t know where to start…” I struggled with the same doubts. Instead of freezing in my self-doubt, I developed a three part framework that gave me a foundation for success and propelled me towards my purpose.
I call this framework H.E.R. – “H” is for the Habits you build, “E” is for the Environment you are in and “R” is the Roadmap you create.
Let’s unpack each of these.
THE “H” – HABITS
The first and most important stepping stone in pursuing my purpose was building a system of habits. James Clear author of the best-selling book Atomic Habits, states, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that gets you there.”
Once you identify a creative outlet that you want to pursue, it will be crucial to nail down a network of habits that sets you up for success from the very beginning.
For me, creating a productive early morning routine was the single most impactful habit that propelled me towards my purpose.
When I first decided to actively pursue my purpose, my single largest challenge would be finding the time to work on it. I struggled to see any free time between getting my kids to school in the morning, working all day and then getting dinner on the table.
Get Creative
Instead of letting the overwhelm paralyze me, I got creative. I knew I had to find time “between the lines.” Taking an inventory of where I spent my time, I soon began to see pockets of time that were either wasted on unhealthy habits or could be put to better use.
I discovered that my most productive time would be the early hours of the morning when everyone else was sleeping. The only problem was that years of unhealthy habits like watching TV and eating unhealthy foods late at night were preventing me from waking up early.
Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones
Instead of watching tv and eating a bowl of cereal late at night, I challenged myself to read a book in bed with a hot cup of tea by my side. The key to locking in this new routine was creating what James Clear calls a commitment device, “a choice you make in the present that controls your actions in the future.”
My commitment device was twofold – 1) my husband changed the wiring in the TV so that I was only able to turn it on by pressing three different buttons on three different remotes and 2) I bought a best-selling novel and set it by my bedside. Since turning on the TV at night was now too complicated, I had no choice but to read my book instead.
Over time, I began to look forward to this new nighttime routine. Once I was able to lock in this new nightly habit for at least thirty days, the next challenge was building the will power to wake up early enough so that I had at least an hour of uninterrupted time to write on my blog.
I knew that setting an alarm clock would not be enough. Each morning, excuses ran through my mind when the alarm sounded. They whispered, “Just thirty more minutes.” “You can start again tomorrow….”
Eliminate Indecision
I had to eliminate any indecision in those early hours. By lining up a series of actions when I first awoke, I created enough space between the grogginess of sleep and the start of my day.
I applied James Clear’s strategy of habit stacking, “to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top.” Each morning, after splashing cold water on my face, I sit down and read a few bible passages. Then before starting to work on my blog, I say a quick prayer, “Dear God, bless my head, my heart and my hands so that I can do your will and serve others.”
Giving God the first few minutes of the day gave me a sturdy platform to springboard through the rest of the day. Over time, I started looking forward to this routine. Once I locked it in, it became harder to not do it than to do it.
Depending on which stage of motherhood you are in, the pockets of time and habits you build may look different. For moms with very young children, you will have very limited time if any at all. Don’t let that discourage you. Your time will come. As your children get older and more independent, those pockets of time will emerge.
Habits will be the glue that keeps you close to your purpose even when the chaos of life tries to you pull you away from it.
THE “E” – ENVIRONMENT
To make new habits stick, it’s important to curate an environment of inspiration and focus. This includes both the places you are in and the people you interact with.
James Clear also talks about the importance of “environment design,” which “allows you to take back control and become the architect of your life.”
Find Your Creative Sanctuary
Find a place that allows you to unplug from distractions and plug into your creative flow. I call this your “CS” or Creative Sanctuary. This could be the library, a local coffee shop, or a special spot in your house.
I was lucky enough to find a local coffee shop that opens early weekend mornings. Every Saturday and Sunday, I sit at the long wood table along the front window with my laptop and enter my creative zone. Finding this CS has done wonders in propelling my purpose.
I’ve come to treasure this special time I’ve carved out on weekends. Regardless of how stressful or challenging the work week may be, knowing I will be sitting at that coffee shop on Saturday morning letting my creative juices flow brings a smile to my face.
Surround Yourself with Supporters
Just as important as the places you are in are the people you surround yourself with. Finding a community of people that support and share your interests can be a powerful tool. Within that community, you can find others to hold you accountable, give you feedback and encourage you.
You can start by searching for an online community with shared interests. You’d be surprised with how many diverse Facebook Groups exist.
Stay close to encouragers and far from toxic critics.
There is a difference between someone who wants you to succeed and gives you productive feedback and someone who wants you to fail. Stay far away from the latter.
Staying close to the places and people that fuel your passion will propel you forward.
THE “R” – ROADMAP
With a system of healthy habits in place and an environment of inspiration, now you are ready to create a roadmap towards achieving your goals.
Set Big Ambitious Goals
I encourage you to set big ambitious goals. Ask yourself, “what difference do I want to make in this world after I am long gone?” “How do I want to be remembered?”
Don’t get me wrong, we’re not all going to be the next Steve Jobs or Mother Teresa but if we aim high, the impact we make will be much greater than if we aimed low.
Mother Teresa is the greatest example of this. She aimed high – going to areas of the world with the poorest and the sickest of people. Instead of focusing on the enormity of her task, she lived day by day focusing on each person that she served.
“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
Mother Teresa
Set Mile Markers
“There is only one way to eat an elephant – a bite at a time.”
Desmond Tutu
Big ambitious goals can get overwhelming if you only focus on the end game – the achievement of the goal. Instead of focusing on the end game, focus on the small bite size steps to get there.
Once you define the goal that you are working towards, it is crucial to dissect the individual mile markers along the way and develop a timeline to support that. For example, my one-year goal to launch my blog was underpinned by weekly, monthly and quarterly mile markers so that I always knew what I needed to be working on.
A roadmap with mile markers builds momentum. It gives you the comfort of always knowing what to work on next. Without it, you will likely get stuck not knowing where to go next.
Avoid Comparison
“Your direction is more important than your speed.”
Richard Evans
Don’t get discouraged if you aren’t seeing progress as fast as you would like. It takes many years to achieve excellence. Remember you are only competing against yourself and the person you were yesterday.
Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your journey to someone else’s. Where you are in your journey is very different from where someone else may be. Your start could be their middle or your middle could be their end. It doesn’t make a difference. All that matters is that you are taking steps forward consistently no matter how small or big they are.
Don’t Let the Fear of Failure Paralyze You
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
Denis Waitley
There is no doubt that you will encounter the two dreaded “F’s” as you pursue your goals – Failure and Fear. The fear that you will fail is not a reason to stop, it is a reason to keep going. When you embrace failure and the lessons it has to offer, you are quieting the voice of fear.
A rich pool of lessons is waiting for you to jump in. Fear is telling you not to do it, to stay comfortable. You will never learn those lessons unless you jump out of your comfort zone and dive in.
The faster and more frequent you dive in, the more you will learn. Soon enough the belief you have in yourself will overshadow your inner voice of self-doubt. Experience over time will build confidence. That is how you conquer the fear of failure.
KEEP GOING
“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.”
Robin Sharma
Building a system of Habits, curating an Environment of inspiration, and building a Roadmap were the three things that propelled my purpose.
Use the H.E.R. framework to walk firmly towards your true purpose. If you are using your unique talents in the service of others, God will pave your path. He is the invisible hand working behind the scenes to propel you forward.
Follow his whisper and never give up no matter how hard it may get – just keep moving forward. You never know how close you are to realizing your dream, so just keep going. One day you will look back and realize that those small steps you made over time took you farther than you could ever have imagined.
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