What is Work Anxiety?
Work anxiety is the constant second guessing if you’re doing a good enough job. It’s thinking about all the tasks that you have yet to do and not focusing on the one at hand. It’s ruminating about what happened during the workday late at night in bed….
Add these anxious thoughts to an already full plate of motherhood mayhem and the pressure is sure to build.
For many years I suffered from working mom burnout. I paid the price for letting work anxiety seep into my home life – constantly thinking about work when I should have been fully present with my kids, snapping at small annoyances, feeling guilty that I was never enough at home or work, etc.
The anxious thoughts became like a toxic friend. In a way, I thought that they were helping me by increasing my standards of performance. However, they were also stealing my peace. The price I paid was not worth my mental wellbeing.
What Causes Work Anxiety?
For me, it started with the need to please.
I cared too much about what others thought of my performance that I forgot about the why behind my job.
Second guessing myself, I often had thoughts such as, “I’m not as smart as others are.” “I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake and look bad.”
The common thread behind all these thoughts is that the focus was on me and how I thought others may perceive me. I was fighting with my ego. I became so inwardly focused that I forgot about the overall purpose of my job – to serve others.
As bestselling author of Atomic Habits, James Clear puts it, “Do things for your own satisfaction. Consider praise from others to be a bonus. If you don’t work for their validation in the first place, you won’t need it to feel satisfied once it’s done.”
Letting go of this inward focus is the first of the five strategies that helped me to manage my work anxiety. Let me walk you through each of these strategies.
1. Shift Your Focus Outward
When I shifted my focus from myself to the impact it had on others, I finally felt work anxiety release its grip on my thoughts. I learned how to recognize the voice of my ego and look outward. Instead of constantly thinking about how others viewed my performance, I focused on how my efforts were impacting others.
I started asking myself outward looking questions. “How does what I do impact the lives of others?” “Can I do something today to encourage, recognize or motivate someone?”
God has gifted each of us unique talents so that we can use them in the service of others. Each day is a new opportunity to use those talents.
“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations.”
George Bernard Shaw
The “brief candle” of life is too short to be wasting mental energy on the worry of what others think. Instead, channel that energy into helping others. The more you do this, the more you will look forward to going to work in the morning. You will start to view each day as a new opportunity to serve others.
When you focus on serving others, you no longer need their validation – that is just a bonus.
2. Let Go of Perfection
The need to please is closely linked to the quest for perfection. The problem is that the goalpost for perfection is always moving. It is unattainable.
This unrealistic standard of perfection leads to working mom guilt and a constant sense of anxiety that we are never good enough. So why do we keep reaching for it? Where does this need to be perfect come from?
For some, it may have been reinforced at a young age. We may have been taught that anything less than perfection means that we aren’t good enough. Our parents may have placed too much focus on achieving top grades or awards.
This skewed focus robs us of the joy of learning, failing, and growing along the way. We become so focused on the prize that we forget what really matters – the learning and the growth it took to get there.
For many of us, we take this perfection mentality with us into motherhood. This is especially challenging as a mother because the environment of control has shifted.
Before becoming a mother, it was easier to control things. There was less variability at play. Now as mothers, we are in a constant environment of change. As working moms, we are not only taking care of tiny human beings, but we are also working demanding jobs and managing household duties.
Instead of reaching for perfection, embrace the mindset of fluidity and change.
Having the perfect work-life balance is a myth. The pendulum between work and home-life is constantly shifting. There will be seasons when you are trying to finish a project at work while also taking care of a sick child at home. In those challenging seasons, you must let go of the standard of perfection and accept “good enough.”
As the seasons of your life ebb and flow, release yourself from the handcuffs of perfection. It is then that you will be able to find peace amidst the chaos.
3. Prioritize
Prioritizing your schedule both at work and outside of work is essential to conquering work anxiety. If you manage your schedule outside of work effectively, you will feel less scatterbrained and more focused at work.
Do you often feel like you are constantly trying to catch up with the many demands of work and home life? Like you are never getting anything accomplished? That your to-do list keeps growing and growing at a faster pace than you can cross things off?
When you are at work, you may be thinking about what must get done at home and vice versa. This constant sense of overwhelm can leave you feeling guilty and inadequate.
These are all symptoms that you are a victim of your schedule. Your schedule is controlling you instead of you controlling it.
Wanting to please everyone, I used to say yes to almost every opportunity that presented itself – volunteering at school events, attending neighborhood social gatherings, taxiing my children back and forth to activities, etc. This approach left me with a scattered focus and constant sense of hurry.
“If you don’t plan your time, someone else will help you waste it.” Zig Ziglar
Fortunately, the quarantine period during COVID opened my eyes to the benefits of being unbusy. The slowed pace allowed me to be more present with my family. We took bike rides around the neighborhood, ate more meals together, played more…
After COVID I wanted to maintain this slower pace of living but found it challenging once the demands to my schedule started to take aim at my calendar like rapid fire.
The Bucket Strategy for Prioritizing
Taking back control of my schedule started with prioritizing what was most important to me – to simplify and focus on what really mattered. I took a step back and created a list in order of importance of what mattered most to me in life – faith and family came first and everything else was secondary – meaningful purpose, social connections, health, etc..
If you want to learn how to unpack this strategy in more detail [sign up for a course here]
With this list, I was now able to protect what mattered most to me and schedule with intention.
I categorized items on my schedule into these buckets. If an activity didn’t fall into one of these buckets, I really questioned why I would add it to my schedule. In Christy Wright’s book, “Take Back Your Time”, a strategy she employs is to ask herself this one question before she adds something to her schedule, “Do I feel a sense of relief if I say no to this thing?” If she does, then she doesn’t add it to her schedule.
With this strategy, I found myself focusing on what really mattered to me and gave myself permission to let everything else fall by the wayside. I stopped feeling the need to “guilt schedule” – to say yes to everything that came my way for fear I would disappoint someone.
4. Hammer One Nail at a Time
Once you prioritize, it becomes easier to focus on the next strategy – “hammer one nail at a time.” Or as South African bishop Desmond Tutu puts it, “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.”
Overwhelm is a key driver of work anxiety. When you start to worry about everything that needs to get done, the sense of overwhelm can disable you and lead to mom burnout. Instead of devoting your energy on the task at hand, you waste it on worry. This prohibits you from achieving a state of flow or deep focus.
Instead devote your energy to the most important task of the day first. Don’t let your mind drift to other tasks until you are finished with the one at hand. Bestselling author James Clear suggests, “If you want a simple formula for having a good day, then get a workout done and do your most important task before lunch. Knock out those two things by noon and you really feel like you’re ahead of the day.”
This strategy is discussed in Brian Tracy’s book, “Eat that Frog”, whereby you identify and attack the most difficult task first. It’s effective because it restricts the amount of time you have available to worry about getting a task done and leaves you with a sense of accomplishment earlier on during the day.
Tips to Combat Overwhelm
I found that there are several proactive tactics that have helped me to combat this pervasive sense of overwhelm and worry –
- Set weekly goals – at the beginning of the week write down the top five things that you want to accomplish for the week. This gives you permission to flex daily tasks during the week and not get discouraged if something is not complete in any given day.
- Unplug on weekends – it is essential to allow yourself to mentally unplug from the work week on weekends. If you roll your work week’s worries into the weekend, you will accumulate a constant sense of burnout.
By unplugging on weekends, you can start each Monday morning feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the week. Give yourself an extra jolt of motivation during the week by planning rewards on the weekend, something you can look forward to as you journey through the week. (link to list of potential rewards)
- Embrace the Sunday Slowdown – Slow down on Sundays. Carving out this one special day during the week for worship and family is key to clearing your mind of last week’s worries and starting the upcoming week with a renewed sense of focus.
I look forward to listening to the homilies on Sundays and resting in God’s word. There is always some special nugget of knowledge that I get on Sundays that strengthens my steps for the week ahead. After church, I use the remainder of the day to connect with my family and give them my undistracted attention.
- Create a Morning Routine – Create a morning routine that you look forward to. I find that setting aside the first 20-25 minutes of the morning to read the bible sets my day up for success. I get up an hour before the rest of the house and listen to Father Mike’s Bible in a Year podcast. Starting the day with God’s word strengthens my steps for the rest of the day.
5. Keep Moving Forward
Life moves in one direction and that is forward. There will be setbacks that will cloud your view and leave you struggling to find a way to keep moving forward.
Did you make a mistake on a report? Forget a deadline? Sound nervous in a presentation? These things happen to the best of us.
During these times, don’t let the claws of self-doubt creep in and steel your power. You are stronger than you think. When you don’t feel strong enough to do it on your own, call on God’s strength. He is waiting for you to ask for help. He wants you to use his strength. Never take that gift for granted. His strength is always there for you.
“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
If you reach a setback, the key is to press the restart button as soon as possible. Don’t let the feelings of inadequacy and defeat keep you from moving forward. Instead, take some time to learn from what caused the setback and what you could have done differently. Use those lessons to do better next time.
Avoid the trap of letting past mistakes cloud today’s mission. Dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
God Has Plans For You
It’s time to stop feeling restless, to stop going from task to task feeling like you are never getting anything accomplished, to stop worrying that you are not doing a good enough job.
Use these 5 strategies to let those anxious feelings go and focus on the long game – using your unique God given talents in the service to others.
Work anxiety will always try to creep back in and take hold of your thoughts, but if you continue to look outward beyond yourself, its grasp will not take hold.
God has plans for you. He knows you are ready. He has asked you to carry a heavier backpack because he knows you can carry it now. Have confidence knowing you have all you need.
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