Mothers have a unique inner strength that is both powerful and resilient. Yet she often gets worn down by the mental load of motherhood. Mom rage, guilt, anxiety, stress – these are all factors that weaken a mom’s mental toughness. In this article I will share with you the 13 things that can anchor a mom’s mental strength amidst the chaos of motherhood.
1. Her Identity is a Daughter of God
A mentally strong mother is rooted in God.
We live in an anxious world. It will trick you into thinking your value is tied to the superficial – what others think of you, the things you own, the clothes you wear, your physical appearance, etc… That is what the world wants you to believe.
You are not these things. Worldly things will flutter in and out of your life, changing with the direction of the wind. Shadow boxing with the wind is not a winning strategy.
Your identity is a daughter of God. It is based in the one thing that never changes – God’s eternal love for you. It lives inside you. God made you from his love – it is unwavering and infinite.
“For though didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalms 139:13
God is the only true measuring stick against which you should evaluate your actions. Nothing else matters. Walk through this life knowing you are a daughter of God built in his strength, the rock in which your identity is built upon.
2. She Casts a Vision of Who She Wants to Be
A mentally strong mother casts a vision of her best self.
An exercise that might help you craft that vision is to write your own eulogy. Ask yourself, “How do I want to be remembered?” This will force you to look at your life as a third-party observer. It will help you distill the traits you want to be remembered by and get to the core of what drives you.
Once you are clear on a vision of your best self, embrace the journey of constant growth and self-improvement. Read books, take classes, attend a conference in your area of interest.
It’s not enough to walk through this life just going through the motions, reacting to what life throws at you. God has made you for a higher purpose – take steps every day towards that purpose.
3. She Lets Her Values Drive Her
A mentally strong mother is driven by her values.
On your journey of self-improvement, it is crucial to follow the compass God has gifted you to navigate the challenges of life. This compass is built upon a set of core values that guide your decisions. The key is to hold on tight to these values even when the world is telling you not to.
“Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God…”
Romans 12:2
This world is of the devil. He will throw obstacles in your way to cloud your ability to make smart decisions. Best-selling author Steven Covey calls it, “social weather.”[insert more insight from book]
He will whisper in your ear when you are most vulnerable – times of sadness, fear and anxiety. Hold on tight to God in these moments. Let him be your strength.
The devil wants you to make poor decisions in these moments by allowing your emotions to control you. By clinging to your core values, God will give you the clarity to see through his lies.
4. She Forgives Herself
A mentally strong mother forgives herself.
Having mental strength does not mean being perfect. Despite your best efforts, there will be times you veer off God’s path.
Imperfection is part of being human. In these moments of weakness, the devil wants to break you down. He wants you to believe you are not worthy of forgiveness.
Stop the negative self-talk. You are more than your sins. You are a daughter of God who forgives you time and time again.
God forgives you even when you can’t forgive yourself. Take his forgiveness as your own. God does not count how many times you press the “restart” button. He only cares that you keep trying. This is how a mother’s inner strength and resilience is built – falling and getting up time and time again.
We are all a work-in-progress just trying our best to do better than we did yesterday. Just keep on keeping on as life only moves in one direction, and it’s forward.
5. She Knows Their is Beauty on the Other Side of Pain
A mentally strong mother grows through pain.
Pain is a vessel for building mental strength. As much as it hurts to go through it, there are three truths to pain that provide comfort.
The first truth is that no one is immune to it.
How many times have you heard “life’s not fair kid?” The moment you realize and accept that life is unfair is the moment that you allow pain to shape and mold you into a better version of yourself.
The second truth is that your inner strength will match the pain, no matter how difficult it is. We each have our own cross to carry just as Jesus did. Jesus suffered the strongest pain of all so that we could all be forgiven.
Heartbreak, loss of a loved one, illness – whatever your cross may be, know that Jesus’s pain is joined with ours. In these moments of deep pain, join his strength with yours. God calls us closer to him in the suffering.
With his strength, you can endure anything. God will carry you through. He will fight your battle. Release yourself from trying to control the uncontrollable. Stop fighting and rest in his strength.
“God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
The third truth is that there is always another side to pain. We are reminded of that every Easter Sunday. Parts of us die in the pain but other parts of us are reborn. As we emerge from pain, we become a newer and stronger version of our past selves.
In the deepest of our pain, we are tempted to believe there is no out. That is a lie. Don’t stop the movie when you are in the middle of it. Hold God’s hand and press play knowing that the story is not over. There is beauty on the other side.
6. She Zooms Out of Her Life
A mentally strong mother sees the bigger picture.
Often, we view life through blinders. We let our current struggle consume us and break us down. This prevents us from seeing the bigger picture.
When you find yourself in this negative spiral, zoom out. Ask yourself – “How much this issue will matter one year from now?…five years from now?”
One of the most effective ways to zoom out is what I call the “eternal perspective.” It is the knowledge that most things that happen in our lifetime have no eternal significance. Let those things go.
When we know eternity is the end game, anything becomes bearable. We have the freedom to move on. We begin to realize that the things that happen to us in this life are but a spec. What may feel immense in the moment is small in the larger picture.
In the movie, Father Stu, Mark Wahlberg plays a priest with a terminal illness and finds comfort knowing that “We are spiritual beings in a human body not a human body with a spirit.” He embraces his condition knowing that his spirit will go on for eternity.
Walk through this life armed with the knowledge that we are in this world but not OF this world. The end of this life is only the beginning of the next – an eternity with our Father.
“If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” John 15:19
7. She Lets Go of Control
A mentally strong mother lets go of control in order to be in control.
An essential element of a mother’s inner strength is the ability to let go of control. Although we often times think that control will ease our anxiety, the opposite is true. The more we let go of control, the more control we have.
I used to fight change. I thought that control was a tool that could be used to bend things to my will. Throughout much of my life, if something did not go by way, I believed I alone had the power to change it.
It was only when I became a mother that I realized the more I tried to control things, the more I felt out of control. The moment I decided to hand the keys over to God and rest in his will, not mine, I found peace.
Throughout parts of your life, you will become locked into how you want things to be rather than what is meant to be. You will tell yourself, “Well if I only did this or said that, things would have been different.” Don’t get stuck in the trap of second guessing yourself. That is the voice of control.
Let go of that unbendable mindset and shift with the sand. Resilience is the ability to change course when roadblocks are tossed in your path. When things don’t go your way, trust that God is trying to show you another path. Take his hand and follow him.
8. She Finds Joy in Serving Others
A mentally strong mother looks beyond herself.
Much of a mother’s inner strength is built upon self-sacrifice. No one knows this better than a mother. We give so much of ourselves for the well-being of our children. We can leverage this ability to look beyond ourselves and even beyond our children to serve others.
God has given us each unique talents so that we can use them in service to others. As a young girl, I was taught to dream big – to reach for the stars and climb the mountain of success. The only problem was that I was missing the key ingredient of true success.
Throughout college and the early parts of my career, I was focused on the shiny trophies of success – perfect grades, more money, a new job title, etc. It wasn’t until later in my career that I realized the luster of those accolades soon fades. I started to realize that the true mark of success is the impact that you make on the lives of others. It was never about me.
When I shifted my focus away from myself and towards others, that is when things began to change. I felt more purposeful going to work each day – thinking of how I can use each day in service to others. I asked myself, “How can I use my unique talents to lift others?”
We are all a small part of a larger whole. The impact we make on the lives of others in our short time here on earth is what matters most. At times, you may feel like you are not making a difference, but you are.
When we follow Mother Teresa’s simple advice that “Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love,” we are living the life that God wanted us to live all along.
9. She Shows Up as Herself
A mentally strong mother is comfortable in her own skin.
True confidence comes from the knowledge that you are a daughter of God, steady in your beliefs.
God made you unlike any other person, flaws and all. You are a mosaic of unique gifts that are meant to be shared with the world.
Being your authentic self will act as a filter for attracting genuine friendships. True friends will appreciate your uniqueness and allow you the freedom to let your guards down.
Do not mold or bend who you are to be more liked by others. That strategy always ends poorly. Show up as yourself from the start. The true you will come out at some point anyway, so not be that person from the start?
10. She is Intentional When Choosing Friends
A mentally strong mother surrounds herself with friends that raise her up.
Who you surround yourself with can either add to your inner strength or weaken it. Never underestimate the influence friends have in your life. The right friends will hold your hand up the mountain, inspiring you to new heights. Hold them tight. The wrong ones will tug at your heels causing you to trip and fall. Let them go.
Intentionality is key to finding those friends that strengthen your steps. I learned this lesson the hard way. Being introverted and shy throughout most of my life, I found it hard to find and keep friends. I didn’t have the confidence to be choosy about who I befriended. Eventually, I found myself forming fair-weather friendships based on weak surface level connections.
Don’t make the same mistake I did. Have patience knowing that you are worthy of friends that aren’t just there to fill time but to inspire you. A network of fair-weather friends and acquaintances can help to broaden your world view, but true friendships based on deeper connections are what really matter.
Curate friendships with those that allow you to be yourself, encourage you to make good decisions, and inspire you to reach for the stars. Have the courage to initiate friendships. Find a way to connect through a common interest. What’s the worst that can happen? There is so much to gain when you take the first step.
[insert quote from bible or average of friends Sirach]
11. She is Quick to Kindness, Slow to Anger
A mentally strong mother spreads kindness.
Use your inner strength to build others up not break them down.
Throughout much of my life, in times of friction, my default was anger. When I felt even the smallest of wrongs, I took the win/lose approach. I thought that asserting my opinion in anger was okay because I was the one who was right….I was winning.
What I failed to see in this approach was how the person on the other side of me felt. Even though I felt like I was winning, it was at the expense of making someone else feel small. That was not winning at all.
God wants us to give others the benefit of the doubt. Even though others may not say or do things that we agree with, we can still be kind to them. In his book, Rediscover Jesus, Matthew Kelly hits this point when he says, “Everyone is doing the best they can.”
We each carry our own unique burdens and experiences that have shaped the way we view life. Through the power of kindness, we can help one another carry those burdens. As you make the shift from anger to kindness, your view of the world will change. You will look for opportunities to spread threads of kindness. This outlook can be a source of great joy.
12. She Unlocks Her Full Potential with Self-Discipline
A mentally strong mother says no to the things that don’t serve her purpose.
Self-discipline underpins mental toughness. It bridges the gap between who you are and who you’re meant to be.
Self-discipline is the key to unlocking your full potential. It is the ability to say no to the things that cause us to drift farther from our purpose and say yes to the things that bring us closer to it. Self-discipline is strongest when our why is stronger than our excuses.
It is a muscle that must be exercised each day. The more we say no to the things that are not in alignment with who we want to be, the stronger we become. That strength will propel us towards greatness.
13. She is Always Close to God
A mentally strong mother walks through life holding God’s hand.
A great irony in life is that we all end up where we started. The one constant is God. He is the source of our inner strength. No matter how hard life gets, He is always there. Stay close to Him and you will not falter.
The world is full of noise that wants to chip away at your bond with God. In today’s world, that noise is magnified through social media. Day after day we mindlessly scroll through social media, unknowingly letting the thoughts of others dim the voice of God.
We find ourselves getting caught up in the toxic world of comparison and consumerism. The key is to shut the noise off and walk closer towards God.
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him.” 1 John 2:15
It is up to you to unplug from the noise of life. Take simple steps back towards Him. In my darkest moments, I remember finding the quietest spot in the house to kneel and pray. Even when I couldn’t find the words, I knew he heard my heart.
Conclusion
The journey of motherhood is one of spiritual maturity. It is an opening of the soul, a clearing of the cobwebs that blur the lens through which we view life.
These life lessons were hard won but worth every second of discomfort. They have pushed me to be the strong mother I am today, someone who is confident and comfortable in her own skin.
I pray the same for you – that you become aware of your unique inner strength as a mother and grow into the person that God has always meant you to be.
These 13 lessons will help you to stay anchored in who you are, driven by who you want to become, and steady in the path to get there.
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